Dictionary for decoding female personal ads...

40-ish.................................49.
Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.
Athletic..............................No breasts.
Average looking..................Moooo.
Beautiful............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure.............On medication.
Feminist.............................Fat.
Free spirit...........................Junkie.
Friendship first....................Former slut.
New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned......................No BJs.
Open-minded......................Desperate.
Outgoing............................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional.........................Bitch.
Voluptuous.........................Very Fat.
Large frame........................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate.................Stalker.